sigh poem

In the darkness I lay, me, Ignored and ignoring
Not heard not hearing, Used, using, Alone and not alone
Wondering when will it end, Is there life beyond these walls
Existence that has meaning? a life that has life?
Why am I waiting? Sad really. As I lay in darkness

do you ever just want to be alone?

i am a mix of both introvert and extrovert characteristics i need a balance of both to survive. in the past 4 months as much as i try i cant get away. i need time to regroup...assess where i have been ... where i am currently headed and then make sure i am still headed somewhere i want to go. and being who i am.... not anywhere not anytime is there really a complete moment of silence a time to meditate without being asked whatcha doin??... or a time the tv isn't on or you finally think you are alone and again and again he walks in. the barrage of noise and stupid questions comes at me over and over again..like waves crashing on the beach.. just when you think its safe to fully relax someone interferes in that. just when i think....AHHHH the house to myself. in the door someone walks..i am to the point i feel like exploding that i need to be in my home and have peace and quiet uninterrupted time to relax, bathe, lie around in jammies with some hot cocoa, read, sleep, think, can i stress this point? please leave me alone. i am not one to beg......but its like water torture just not as fun.

another day waiting for peace

there are days that you wish it was another day another time. some days like the day your son dies. others it is just so loud and lonely. still others when you just want peace inside and you want to escape to those summer days on the beach when you were 17. not a care in the world, the soft warm breeze in the bright sun, blue skies welcoming you with little wispy clouds. instead you are stuck in this world, wondering what happened to the peace? why you cant seem to ever be alone. (dad offered me refuge while he is away.I may take him up on it over the weekend!) but peace why is it so elusive? Just as i begin to relax( maybe with a good book or studying) he is in my face, (like when you are so tired and you are awakened over and over again then finally you cant sleep at all cause your body is afraid, of being disturbed one more time... ) asking me questions that seem so irrelevant mundane, acting as if he was asking me the meaning of life? maybe i ,so over critical, am just "feeling" its this way? i just want to be left alone to figure out my life i want the peace that was here before him the ease that life took on without annoying interruptions that are my daily life....