Energy or efficiency

some of the time i am perpetual motion i have noticed i walk faster than most people with purpose and a destination. Faster is better, time is money. Efficiency is divine. Some of the time i am unable to lift and arm or leg or do one more anything. There is stopping as in i am too tired to do anything, and there is not stopping as in days upon weeks upon months of never really stopping in my head. when that spark of writing genius comes and that energy you feel to get every last word on the page, or when the one you love is coming to town to see you, or the novel that you have been dying to read just arrived and you stay up all night and finish it in one sitting. where does this energy come from? seems to arrive from mental/emotional and make us alert in the physical. how on a daily basis do i find this energy? another day you cant muster enough strength or resolve to lift the pen, cant move your butt from the couch and your eyes start closing as you read. I want to be one who writes on a daily basis and cant seem to sustain the energy. i think for me it is better to assign a weekly page limit a goal that taps into my need for efficiency(i did this with walking/running minute limit of 300 a week.... on the a day i had that spark i might do 150 minutes toward my 300 hundred goal rather than doing it everyday i wanted to get as much done that first day) I think i am utterly afraid of the crash of the no energy day that i have come to depend on efficiency. But at what cost to me and my adrenalin .. maybe i have trained my system this way. Think of the expenditure of energy walking 300 minutes in two days compared to 43 minutes a day over the course of the week? which one sounds relaxing?? I am possibly setting myself up for fatigue. and what of the wonderful thoughts that come in everyday that i may miss by cramming 10 pages in a day or two rather then let them flow on their own?

I am scared to let go of efficiency. the voice in my head saying "oh god what about... and what about.... do you really want to screw around with the way things are, ahh i dont know about this?" must mean pay dirt. I have lived efficient for so long its hard to give up and the world doesnt seem to make sense without it..

Balance.... neither energy or efficiency! I need time for me, time to write, time for family time, for school, for friends and just plain ol' down time, that has no plan... but yet i need the plan the outline of how my day is going to look how i can stay on task with my life mission so the days and months do not fly by unnoticed. no efficiency but things that fuel my passion my life force to give me the energy to make it thru the day to make me return to those things i love..