procrastination of anatomy

why is it that my passion does not draw me in? what i want to complete more than anything?? simple fear i think..( what if when dusty left this world my brain ability went with him?) overwhelming i think( family to run, bills to pay, house to keep in order, school and studying) and yet to win this game one must use all their intelligence and focus. Instead i am lost , unfocused, and disorganized. I think i lack time but i think that is the story i sell myself. Funny part is i am buying it so the time never seems to make itself available. But when i look over the past day, hmm i had hours here and there focus just did not come easy. Now it is late and i should be able to eek out some study time but is my brain too tired? instead here.... i type.... procrastination. Tomorrow kids back in school, and packing for my afternoon work and school, but then i do have study time..if (it falls back to the E word!) I am Efficient! maybe i work better under the fallacy of efficiency? I am full of learning today only it is the learning of other things ( health related) rather than what i should be learning or so i think? In the mean time i procrastinate anatomy!